who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
