sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
