I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
ugly people sure do ruin things
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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