But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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