I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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