So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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