Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
