Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
