Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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