I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
They are going to name an STD after you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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