Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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