the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
