I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
