Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
