Swine flu. Run for my life!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
