I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
