You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
