They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
