Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
