I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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