Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
