i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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