how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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