Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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