There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
