my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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