Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Randomize
