I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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