Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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