I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
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In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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