Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize