So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i drank out of a bidet.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
A+ Viking dick
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
