i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
