i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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