all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
