My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
