I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
