White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
