Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
