I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
