This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
