Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
