I heard we made out
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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