If i come over, it means nothing
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
