No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
