The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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