I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
