im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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