Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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