If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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