Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
