I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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