So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
